Advice
Overcoming Shopping Addiction
Jun 6th
Have you ever wondered if your teen might have a shopping addiction? Do you need advice for how you can help your teen overcome their shopping addiction? By looking at the psychology behind shopping addictions, Dr. Denise Wood M.A., Psy.D explains how we can understand the causes of shopping addictions and how you can help your teen overcome.
Does your teenager have a shopping addiction?
What are the causes of shopping addictions in teens?
We will have to go back to neuropsychology 101. We all have dopamine receptors in our brain’s reward center. There is part of the limbic system that stimulates emotions and memories. The five senses in the limbic system are feeling, fleeing, fighting, sexual desire and feeding. All of these are part of a dopamine rush or dopamine high. Of course these are all primitive emotions and we have evolved past that point, now there are other senses such as shopping that may stimulate the dopamine hypothesis. Now every time you shop you get those neurons and electrons firing, you are experiencing a dopamine rush.
Over time your brain will crave this high and a teen may lose control over their shopping behavior, henceforth, craving the dopamine high so severely that they are now a shopping addict. A shopping gene may also play a part in teen shopping addiction. If a teen had an allele to certain dopamine receptors, they are more likely to identify with the shopping addiction than those who do not have this gene.
Let’s also take a look at the atmosphere, which the teen shopping addict was raised. Was the teen rewarded with shopping when they felt down, depressed, hopeless and helpless? Was the teen rewarded for good grades or doing well in sports by shopping? Was shopping emphasized as a way to feel better about themselves? Is there a history of addiction in the family? Has shopping become a competition among a group of friends? So now we have examined the genes as well as the environment as a precursor for the teen shopping addict.”
What type of impact can a teen’s shopping addiction have on their overall life?
Teen shopping addicts may fail to fulfill major obligations at school, home or work. They may start neglecting certain things such as their school work and their grades may start slipping. They may neglect or lie about their household chores so they can go shopping. They may call in sick to work at a part time job to spend time shopping with friends. They may develop legal problems such as stealing money from others to support their shopping addiction. Some shopping addicts go as far as to shoplift if they can’t afford the items and have decided they have to have them. Some teens may lie to their loved ones to get money for school activities when they are really spending the money on their shopping addiction.
Due to all or some of the above the shopping addict may create constant family arguments and or family strife. In addition, the teen shopping addict may have a hard time keeping friends as they may alienate others through their lies or inconsistencies. Teen shopping addicts often fall into a depression after the endorphin rush of shopping has dissipated. They may feel depressed and lonely knowing that it was only a temporary fix for their feelings of depression or inadequacy. The teen shopping addict may experience mood swings due to the emotional roller coaster they have placed themselves on. If the shopping teen addict has credit cards they may go into debt or cause others to go into debt if they are using other’s credit cards. Often a teen shopping addict will put themselves or others into a bankruptcy situation.”
What can parents do to help their teen overcome a shopping addiction?
As a parent the first step is to get your teen shopping addict to admit that they have a problem. As a parent make sure that you are ready for your teen shopping addict to deny they have a problem. Often the parents will be in denial with the teen shopping addict because they do not want to deal with the problem either.
Often the parent(s) of a teen shopping addict will punish the teen, thinking that this will make the problem go away. Most often punishment to the teen shopping addict means that they will become better at concealing their shopping addiction. They will lie, sneak and steal to avoid the no shopping consequences and keep shopping. Instead of punishment help is needed. Find a support group for your teen shopping addict whether it is online or offline. Seek out a professional. Professional therapy can identify triggers and issues that are plaguing the teen shopping addict. Psychological studies have shown that professional treatment followed by group therapy is the most effective way for a teen shopping addict to overcome their addiction.
Above all parents, your most important contribution to your teen suffering from a shopping addiction is support and encouragement.
Copyright Dr. Denise Wood M.A., Psy.D. and JALEH, 2011
PARENTING TIME
Jan 12th
True Confessions: Real Reasons Why Men Cheat On You
Sep 5th
Copyright Dr. Denise P. Wood, M.A., Psy. D., 2010
There is a question that every woman who’s ever been cheated on has asked- “Why did he cheat on me?” Many women are surprised when they find out they have been cheated on by a partner. To them, things were going fine in the relationship, and they do not understand why their man would want to cheat on them in the first place.
After years of providing Psychological Therapy for men from all walks of life, I now have some insight into the male mind, and some answers to the question everyone is asking- “Why do men cheat?”
(Please keep in mind that the majority of the men I’ve worked with stated they felt extremely guilty for cheating. In fact many men cried over the fact that they betrayed their significant other. I had a number of men state they would never cheat again after seeing their significant other’s face after they found out about the betrayal. Almost all of the men said they thought they would never cheat on their mate. A small number of men showed very little empathy. I am sure there are other reasons why he cheats; nevertheless, I will state the main reasons men say they cheat on their wives, girlfriends or lovers.)
1) “My significant other does not even know I exist. She is so busy with work, kids and her PTA that I never fit into her schedule. When I do she says she is too exhausted to have sex or talk. I found someone that actually likes to talk to me and put me as a priority.”
2) “My wife is not into sex; we waited to have sex until after we were married as we both have a strong religious background. I have found my libido is much higher than my wives. In addition; when we have sex she has a number of trepidations; sex with my wife seems mechanical. I wanted to find someone who shared my enthusiasm for sex.”
3) My girlfriend gained a bunch of weight and let herself go after we had two kids. I was always attracted to woman who dressed up and wore makeup. I just wasn’t into my girlfriend any more. I found a woman who loves to get dressed up for me.”
4) My wife ignored me so I used to cheat on her a lot. I was away quite a bit on business trips; now I am married to a vibrant, younger woman who pays attention to my needs. I would never cheat on her; in fact it drives me crazy when I’m not with her.”
5) “My wife sleeps with the dogs and the kids every night in our bed. I felt perpetually lonely so I had a threesome with another couple. Would I do it again? Yeah; as long as my wife didn’t find out.”
6) “My girlfriend is not adventurous when it comes to sex. I make up these scenarios and she says that I am sick and need help. I found someone who is as adventurous in the sex department as I am.”
7) “I don’t know if it’s technically cheating but I look at porn on the internet all the time and go to strip clubs. There is one girl at the strip club who really likes me; we talk for hours at a time.”
8.) “I’m bisexual and sometimes I feel like being with a guy. I don’t think my girlfriend would understand; so I keep it under wraps.”
9) “I started e-mailing my high school sweetheart after our twenty year reunion. We e-mail back and forth I tell her the problems I have with my wife and she really cares.”
10) “I jam with this chick that plays the guitar; we have messed around but never had sex. It’s fun to hang with someone who is into the same thing you are. My girlfriend hates her; which makes me want to jam with her even more; what’s that called I studied it in my psychology course; where you do something even more because someone told you not to. Oh yeah; psychological reactance.”
11) “I am really active and my wife is not; I wanted someone to go snowmobiling, hiking, skiing and fishing with me. I was always jealous of those men whose wives and girlfriends were active now I have someone on the side that is physically active.”
12) “All I do is fight with my significant other. I can’t even stand to hang out with her any more. Date night turned into fight night. Don’t even suggest a vacation with my wife the thought makes me ill. I found a woman who I get along with; I like being with her and she loves being with me. We talk endlessly.”
Is It Time To End Your Relationship?
Sep 5th
Copyright Dr. Denise P. Wood, M.A., Psy. D., 2010
Your relationship is not healthy if your partner consistently does any of the following things!
Its Time To Run If:
-If you have been dating exclusively for less than six months and your partner has already cheated on you. This shows that they may not feel committed to your relationship.
-If your partner has an ex that they have cheated on you with. Your partner may not really be over that person yet, and therefore they may not be ready to move on to a new relationship.
-If your partner has promised you they will never cheat again- but continues to cheat anyway.
-If your partner comes from a dysfunctional family where cheating was always the norm AND your partner is unwilling to seek therapy to alter their view on this issue.
-If your partner blames their cheating on your inability to satisfy them.
-If your partner tells you that they have cheated on every significant other that they have ever had.
-If your partner sees nothing wrong with cheating.
-If all of your partners friends are cheating on their significant others as well.
-If your partner is demeaning or abusive to you AND refuses to get therapy for their inappropriate actions.
-If your significant other constantly degrades members of the opposite sex.
-If your significant other has cheated on you in the past and you suspect that they have an addictive personality.
-If your mate is overtly trying to hurt you by cheating on you.
- If your partner has no desire to cheatproof your relationship after they cheated on you with your best friend, roommate, sibling, parent etc.
-If your mate looks at cheating like it is a game or a sport
-If your significant other has agreed to get therapy after they were caught cheating on you but then they refuse to make the therapy commitment to cheatproof your relationship
-If your therapist tells you that it is unhealthy for you to be in the relationship when your significant other is cheating on you
-If your significant other shows no signs of remorse after cheating, they may have pathological tendencies and you may need to leave them
Getting the Most Out of Counseling: How to Cheat-Proof Your Relationship After Your Partner Has Cheated
Sep 5th
Copyright Dr. Denise P. Wood, M.A., Psy. D., 2010
Here are some helpful tips for navigating your way through therapy with your significant other once your relationship has been torn apart through infidelity.
-Always be honest and open with your therapist and your significant other. Remember that there has already been a betrayal; henceforth you need to rebuild your foundation.
-Be ready to admit that your system is broken and it needs to be fixed.
-Try to avoid blaming or pointing fingers-it will cause your significant other to close down.
-Both individuals should acknowledge their weaknesses in the relationship.
-Be honest about your emotions. You will be fearful that it will happen again. Talk openly about your fear.
-There will be anger. Be open to working through this anger with your partner.
-Remember that if you want the relationship to continue, it will take hard work on both your parts.
-Look at this as a new start to a healthier relationship.
-Decide that you will use this lesson to improve your relationship with your significant other, so you can protect your relationship from further infidelity.
-Try to involve as few people as possible. All your friends and family do not need to know. Save the venting for your therapist.
-If you have children, NEVER involve them in the infidelity issues.
-Learn to trust your partner again through the therapy sessions.
-Make sure you and your partner act like a team! Don’t let the cheating pull you apart. Use this as a time to become united to build a stronger relationship.
-Cheatproof your relationship by showing one another the respect that they deserve.
-Decide to make the relationship work. If you find that it is too much work or that you cannot get over the cheating aspect, accept that it may be time for you to move on.
-Remember your significant other may want to make sure your relationship works, however, they may be fearful to confront their shortcomings. Therefore they may be apprehensive about going to therapy. Don’t take this as a sign that they don’t love you or don’t want to make the relationship work. However, be very persistent in making sure the two of you get therapy.
-Realize that it may take a while for your sex life to become active again.
-Be willing to work hard with your therapist to find solutions that will repair your sex life.
-Talk openly about your sex life with your partner and therapist- problems will need to be addressed.
-Ask your therapist how to Cheat-Proof your relationship in the future.
-Tell your partner your emotional and sexual needs.
-Understand that your cheated on significant other is going to feel insecure in your relationship at times. Try to diminish those fears as much as possible.
-If you are the one that has cheated, work on understanding your desire to cheat. This will help you keep yourself from cheating in the future.
-Know that cheating may be a “call for help” in changing your relationship.
-Learn how to fight fair. Fighting and blaming each other frequently will only push your partner further away.
-Talk with your partner about your needs and their needs. Make a plan for meeting each other’s needs in the future.
REMEMBER: That all relationships are salvageable if both of the individuals in the relationship are ready to work on the relationship in a dedicated and faithful manner.
Be open to CHEATPROOFING your relationship with the help of your therapist it just may enhance your relationship to a whole new level!
Nine Ways to Deal with the System in Tough Times
Aug 28th
9. Once your divorce is filed, find out as much as you can about the judge.
8. Stay out of court as much as possible because court appearances are costly, not only financially, but also from an emotional standpoint. Judges will not know you or your case unless you are in a situation where you are in court every week on motions or hearings, and often the judge will be getting a very negative impression of you.
7. Make sure that you and your attorney are well prepared before you go to court. Floundering around in court can create a bad impression, and is also costly.
6. Through your attorney, see if your judge is one who will cut court appearances to minimize expense. This can be done by, in some instances, having original pre-trials and some court appearances done by phone if the judge and the other attorney will agree.
See the rest here: Nine Ways to Deal with the System in Tough Times
Divorce and Bankruptcy
Aug 28th
In these troubled economic times, more and more people are turning to the protection of the U.S. Bankruptcy Code to resolve their debts and protect their property from foreclosure and repossession.
More than 1 million people filed bankruptcy last year alone, and the numbers are only climbing as the recession hits homes.
Some people are finding that in order for them to save their homes from foreclosure or to gain control of their bills, they need to file bankruptcy in the middle of their divorce.
This can lead to many questions as the legal proceedings of bankruptcy and divorce intersect.
Read on to get answers to some bankruptcy and divorce questions you may have.
Read more here: Divorce and Bankruptcy
